oo1. boobs are really, really awesome. like seriously. they’re the most universally appealing body part, and no one’s going to fault you for liking them. i totally get that you’re turned on by them! but let’s get something straight. awesome boobs are not an invitation.
sometimes it’s hot out and i don’t feel like having extra clothing on just so you won’t check me out. or sometimes, maybe i am in the mood to show off! but even then, my boobs aren’t an automatic “yes.” no matter how slutty you think i look, no matter how turned on you might be, an awesome rack is not a substitute for consent.
oo2. like most people around the world, i enjoy having fun! and sometimes, that fun might involve drinking, or the use of other mind-altering substances. rules are a little different when you’re drunk. you can act sillier and tell stupid jokes and maybe even get away with dancing on the table!
but you know what you can’t get away with? not establishing consent! no matter how drunk you are, i am, or we all are, boundaries still exist. you still have to make sure that your potential bedmate is cool with bumping uglies, no matter if you’ve been together three years or known each other’s names for three minutes. and use whatever judgment you have left: if they’re too far under the influence to drive home, they’re probably too far under the influence to give true consent.
oo3. society seems to really have a thing about people who are on the larger side. there’s so much body shaming in today’s world, and a lot of it is just totally accepted. you may think that since i am fat, i’m desperate for any vague sign of affection, so i’ll be okay with you doing whatever you want to me. i really hate to disappoint, but if you think that i’m a loser who should feel lucky to be touched, you’re going to have a bad time.
no one is lucky to get raped. no one is lucky to face unwanted sexual advances. no one is lucky to be harassed. the rules don’t change when someone’s above a size twelve.
oo4. it’s pretty obvious that most people in the world enjoy sex, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. i for one am totally into sex! if i could have sex all day, i totally would. you know how there’s that stupid rumor that men think about sex every seven seconds? well it’s not stupid, because i totally think about sex that often.
however, that doesn’t mean that i’m down to fuck anyone any time. you may have heard that i’ll sleep with anyone. maybe i slept with your friend. hell, maybe we even slept together once! but no matter what, you’ve still got to get that “yes.” i enjoy sex with respectful partners who understand boundaries. i don’t enjoy being degraded, pressured, or having assumptions made about me. most people don’t, so why press your luck?
oo5. and speaking of assumptions… sexuality is hugely complex. you wouldn’t want your preferences to be generalized, so don’t do it to anyone else! i’ve slept with girls; that does not mean i will sleep with all girls. i’ve been tied up; that does not mean you can tie me up. i’ve had threesomes; that does not mean that i will have a threesome with you and your buddy.
oo6. you are not owed sex. there, i said it. no matter what you do for me, there is no situation i can think of where i owe you sex. if you take me out for dinner, or help me move in to a new apartment, or proofread my angry letter to urban outfitters, i’ll be really grateful! i might make bake you something, or buy you a twelve-pack of steel reserve. and if we’re already close, it might make me fall incredibly in love with you and we could end up fucking on the living room floor, don’t get me wrong!
i just won’t owe that to you. when you do something nice for someone, you’re doing it out of the goodness of your own heart. if you’re doing it expecting something in return, you’re not doing something nice. you’re trying to perform an underhanded deal. if you want to arrange for me to owe you sex, let me know outright, so i can know that you’re not a decent person at all, just a scummy scum scum who gets off on forcing people into uncomfortable situations.
oo7. and here’s the big one. you’ve probably heard “no means no” a million times, and we all like to think we’re the kind of person who, if our partner said no, we’d stop right away. but consent is more than not being told no. it’s being told yes. enthusiastically.
if your partner isn’t saying no, but also isn’t saying yes, take a step back and examine the situation. this boils down to being a moral human being. sure, if your partner doesn’t say no, it might be more difficult for you to get convicted of rape. but are you the kind of person that thinks it’s okay to take advantage of someone on a technicality? please don’t be.
it’s up to you to make sure that your partner feels comfortable, safe, and okay, and it’s up to you to take a step back if they don’t. be the responsible person, because the only person who can prevent rape is YOU.
Learn you something.
This is soooo very important. The only addendum I would insert here is that “saying yes” enthusiastically doesn’t need to be verbal. For us autistic folk, it’d be good to talk with us beforehand about other ways of establishing consent in case we are experiencing sensory overload during sex.
Yes, that is an excellent addendum goldenheartedrose.
Here’s something I find bears repeating: laughter does not equal consent or enjoyment. Nervous laughter can be a defense mechanism in a sexually abusive situation.
How to ask someone out: Doctor Who style
if someone asked me out like this, i wouldn’t hesitate to say yes.
SexySmiles of Loki.
Whatever I am, you made me.
A YEAR AGO WAS THE LAST HARRY POTTER PREMIER
ONE YEAR WHAT IT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY
LET ME GO DIE IN MY BUCKET OF TEARS